It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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