my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
