you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
