Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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