his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
