when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When are your genitals available?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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