I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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