I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
