I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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