He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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