Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
