Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i came on her dog
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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