Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
