so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
