Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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