Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sext me about skeletons
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
