I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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