I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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