It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
