you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
