I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
