I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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