So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
