My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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