My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
