He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
