but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
