Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
