Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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