I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
where am i from again
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
