Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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