do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
