Sry I called you an 8
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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