would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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