I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
