Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
