That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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