I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
