Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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