i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
