I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
