we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
