i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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