were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
