Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
