I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
