Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
