Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
