Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
