I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My balls are so social today.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude. I can hear the air.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
